Very Delicate...To Be Handled Carefully

Relationships are the toughest things to  handle in life. If carefully handled, they make our lives beautiful and complete, lest, they become unbearably heavy. A troubled relationship will ruin our morale and make our lives dark. Why is it that way? Can't we live alone by abandoning all the relationships? We can, if we are very high on our spiritual path, like a saint who is free from the worldly possessions. Anyway, as that is not the case with most of us, we can't abandon anyone or any relation, for we cannot live a lonely life. We need everyone in our life to support us, to love us, to care us, to share our pains and to celebrate our happiness. Unfortunately, at times relationships strain, may be due to our carelessness and become a "burden" to our lives. But, how to avoid relationship crisis and how to restore the damaged relations?
After a serious contemplation on this subject, I arrived at the following conclusions. I don't say that these are the ultimate because many other factors would contribute to the longevity of a relationship, but I am sure these are necessary to make life very happy.

→ Remove "I", promote "we".

"I,me,mine" attitude, in simple terms we can call "EGO", is the most hazardous toxin that kills a  relationship. The more ego you have, the more you keep people away. This is because, their ego does not allow them to accept your ego. So to make any relation successful, avoid putting yourself first, avoid being obsessed with your own priorities,tastes and opinions. Instead, respect other's feelings, consider their opinions and give them the first priority.Give them their own space to do whatever they wish to. By doing so you will not only make them happy but also get your own space through which you can protect your interests. Think what is best for you and your partner rather than thinking what is best for you. Do all that you can, which will make you and your partner happy. This way if you spill happiness around you, then who can leave you or fight with you? Who wants to run away from happiness?

→Expectations- nil , offerings- full.

This is quite tough. We do everything for something, isn't it? Yes, but how far is it helping us to be happy? Stress manifests if our expectations don't turn into reality. How foolish it is to subject our health to risk just because someone did not do as we expected? What others do is there wish, it is not in our hands. What is there in our hands is what we can do and how we take a situation. Let me tell you a small story.Once Leela  gave a self made greeting card to her best friend on her birthday. She worked one whole day to make the card look very beautiful. She expected that on seeing the card her best friend would feel very happy and their friendship would become stronger. On seeing the card,as expected ,her best friend felt very happy until she received another card which was made by a professional artist, given by another friend. Also, she declared that card as the best card that she ever received and the girl who gave that card as her best friend. Whereas she dropped Leela's card.That day Leela lost her best friend  forever.From then, she never considered anyone as her best friend.That happened because Leela expected something and reality happened to be something else.However, here both of them made mistakes. Leela ,instead of  isolating herself from everyone, should have learnt to be wiser and her best friend should have respected Leela's effort though she did not like the card given by her. Now both friends lost each other forever for no big reason. So give what you can without expecting anything in return just like a mother. That is why a mother and child relationship is the strongest of all the relationships.

→Don't argue that your right and all mistake lies with the others. 

Rights and wrongs are not absolute. Based on the circumstances,context of the situation,psychological conditions, social factors, time period we are living in, education of people, their brought up and many other factors determine what is right and wrong. Moreover what is right for one person may/need not be right to the other person and vice-versa. Exactly here lies the problem. You feel that your right in your own stand and the same happens with others too. So there is no use of arguing, because even if you argue, your not going to win, as, their point is right for them and yours will always be wrong. Relationship is not about winning an argument, it is about winning hearts.

→ Enough of asking others to understand you, instead, you understand them.

If you want to sail in a sea peacefully, its you who should understand the weather and change your direction accordingly. Is it fair to expect the weather to understand you? Similarly if your motive is to be peaceful and avoid friction in life, just understand others instead of complaining that your not being understood.

→ When your angry better don't talk.

The more you talk, the more it irritates the other and vice-versa. Word is sharper than a sword. Wounds made with sword can be healed, but those made with words may not be healed at all. 

→ Show patience.

If you wish to make a relationship long lasting, then you have to make an effort to protect it. A lot of patience goes into it. Even if  any of your relationship is on the brink of death, you can still make an effort patiently to reconcile. You did not leave any stone unturned , still the others are not responding then your only choice is to wait patiently. After all its a human heart, so it melts for sure.

→ Forgive and forget.
→ Live and let others live

At the end don't forget that nothing is permanent, not even the life. One day or the other nature eliminates all of us. So value the people who are with you and never break their hearts. Don't wait till they completely disappear, for, that day, even if you give your life you can't get them back.


I welcome any additions to my post or suggestions regarding how can we avoid frictions in relationships and how to deal with crisis in relationships.


© Manaswini Pasumarthi